Thursday, January 13, 2011

Observations from a candy wrapper

Lots of people have been saying some awfully nice things to me lately: "Glad you're back," "You look great," "Happiness looks good on you."

Wait, what was that last one?

Okay so the one who has been saying the nicest things to me? Dove Chocolates. That's right, candy wrappers speak to me, and boy are they nice lately.

My coworker has a wine glass full of Dove Dark Chocolates on her desk, ready for any of us who are having one of those days. Yesterday I had to deal with a ridiculous issue at work (seriously, you wouldn't believe some of the issues people bring to HR), and after I put out the fire, I wandered over to my coworker's cubicle for a little piece of heaven. I unwrapped my piece of candy and saw the message, "Happiness looks good on you."

How nice.

It totally made my day. A simple little message in a cheap piece of foil brightened my spirits and made me smile. So of course I had another one, because I wanted to see what the other messages were. My second piece of chocolate carried the message, "Be free. Be happy. Be you." I loved it!

I had grabbed three pieces of chocolate (don't judge!), but I didn't eat that third one right away. This morning, however, I saw it sitting there on my desk, staring at me, just waiting to be eaten.

So I ate it. Strictly for educational purposes, of course. And it's message was even better: "You are exactly where you are supposed to be."

Now how did a piece of chocolate know that I was feeling guilty this morning for leaving my sweet, adorable, baby girl at home? That I felt like a horrible mother because I had to work late last night and didn't get home until after she was asleep? I know it's just a cookie-cutter message printed in a thousand chocolate wrappers, but today, that wrapper made me feel validated. Yes, it sucks that I'm away from Busy (I'll have to explain her nickname later), but for now, someone has to go to work to bring home the bacon. I'm incredibly lucky that I was able to be home for the first four months of her life, and I'm even more blessed that G is able to be home with her for the next two months. It sucks that we can't afford for me to stay home with her indefinitely, but I know that I'm working full-time now in order to be able to afford to stay home with her part (or full!) time with her in the future.

I just have to keep telling myself that.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Random Thoughts from People Our Age

You may be asking yourself what "our age" means...let me preface this post by saying as of last Thursday I turned 29.

Today is my 5th day back at work after five months of heaven maternity leave, and I’m still trying to clean out the old email inbox. One exciting item of note was this email forward a friend sent me, titled, “Random Thoughts from People Our Age.” As I was reading through it today, I laughed so hard that my coworkers had to repeatedly ask if I was okay. I also had to stop myself from saying, “Yes!” and “OMG I do that too!” every other line.

I sent this on to my brother, who replied that he laughed his ass off, and was about to forward it to his coworkers until he realized he was the only person in his office under 40 and no one else would get it. I felt so sad for them.


  • Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
  • I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
  • More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
  • Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
  • Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
  • There is a great need for sarcasm font.
  • Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.
  • I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
  • I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
  • The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
  • A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
  • Was learning cursive really necessary?
  • Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
  • I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
  • Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
  • My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
  • Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
  • How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
  • What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
  • While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
  • MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  • Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
  • I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
  • Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
  • I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."
  • Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
  • If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
  • Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
  • You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
  • Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
  • There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
  • I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
  • "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
  • I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
  • I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
  • I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
  • When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
  • I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
  • Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
  • As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
  • Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
  • It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
  • I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
  • Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
  • Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
  • My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
  • It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
  • I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.